Hash Tag Men Too

How many men get sexually assaulted and don’t report it?  Can you imagine the reaction people would have if a man came forward and charged a female of sexual assault.  It is always difficult for victims but for a guy he might think people would laugh and say, “What’s the problem guy, you don’t like sex?”  If a guy needs this job to feed his kids and make mortgage payments (just like moms do) would he turn down his female boss and lose his job to keep his own dignity?  Would he then go home and tell his wife he quit because of the sexual advances or would he tell her he got laid off?  Would his friends ask him why he didn’t just have sex with his boss thinking it would be the best of both worlds?  Would a police officer believe a guy that weighs 250 pounds was forced to have sex with a woman who weighs 120 pounds because he didn’t want to lose his job?

Here is a small, minor example of a man being wrongly accused.  One of my Assistants was at the front of my club greeting people.  One of the patrons walked in and as he walked past her he put his hand lightly on her shoulder and said hello.  His wife was standing there, I was standing there and a couple of other people were standing there.  My Assistant shouted, “Don’t touch me!”  like he had just stuck his hand down her top or something.  He jumped back and the rest of us just looked at each other and wondered what the hell that was all about.  Okay so the guy is an asshole and rough around the edges but he didn’t do anything except tap her on the shoulder.  She would go around to many of the men in the club and sit on someone’s knee to flirt and they in turn would flirt back and pull her down on their knee.  This was like a tap on the shoulder and she freaked out.   The night went on, she finished her shift and then went to another club where there was drinking (there wasn’t drinking at my club) and proceeded to tell everyone that he “touched” her and made it sound like it was sexual touch.  It clearly was not.  I heard about it from a few people throughout the following week that were at the other club.  I talked to her and said, “It’s okay if you don’t want people to get in your space but it is inappropriate to go to a another night club and make it sound like this guy assaulted you.  He did not assault you.  If he had I would have said something to him right then.”  She did not like the guy and therefore started to spread a rumour about him making him sound like he’s a scumbag.  He got the message and she should have left it at that.  Yes of course you have the right to tell someone not to touch you and you should say something.   I know, if you flirt with lots of people it does not invite everyone else to flirt with you or touch you.  If you tell them not to touch you and they back away, then leave it at that.  If they do it again especially with no one around then of course it is assault.

Speaking on behalf of a lot of women, we have been in conversation with a group of women or have overheard a group of women in a bar.  If a gorgeous guy walks by or is on the dance floor it is very likely that an inappropriate conversation will start.  Many of us are probably quite happy that we did not have social media back in the day.  We could very well have been recorded by a “trusted” friend and have our conversation blasted all over the media via video.  I have greatly criticized Trump for that very thing.   Husbands or boyfriends would like to think that their wife or girlfriend would never watch porn, talk about gorgeous guys, go on a chat room on the computer when they are at work or out.  They would like to think their partner is nothing like the ones they fantasize about on the computer that they would never do such a thing.   Women have fantasies too and they might even make a move on a guy in the office.  They might even threaten the guy will lose his job if he doesn’t want to have a little fun with the boss.

Speak up guys.  Have you ever had to make a decision as to whether you should walk away from a job or keep it because of sexual harassment?  misconduct? sexual advances by your wife’s best friend?  Have you been wrongly accused?  How did you handle it?  Are they still friends?  Did you actually have the affair or did you walk away?  Did you tell your wife?  Are you still married?  How did it affect your marriage?  You can leave your comments here.  I am not here to open a can of worms in your life, use a screen name if you don’t want anyone to know who you are.

Thank you once again for checking in,

I’m Frazzled Again!

 

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