Ha, do you know how hard that is to say? Un-anonymous, I keep wanting to write unanimous. Anyway, I have been thinking about dropping the whole anonymous thing. I mean, really, my family and friends wouldn’t read my stuff anyways. I can tone down some of the stuff I was writing about, a little less about family. They might not take some of my posts so well, actually they probably wouldn’t believe most of it.
Speaking of believe… I’m a little worried that people in the blogging community will think my writings are not true, since I am quite different now than I ever was when I went through “The worst year of my life” times. I still suffer with mental illness as in being depressed and from time to time, I get in the “poor me” moods, but I don’t have psychosis anymore. It has reared it’s ugly had a couple of times in the last 25 years but I figured out what was causing it right away and got over it. I am still on medication. I think people in general, even the ones that know me personally do not realize I am on life-long medication for depression and anxiety.
I have no shame in the mental illness, it was just a matter of my mother hearing about what I was writing. I’m beginning to realize the likely hood of her ever finding out is slim. Never the less, if I do drop the anonymous thing, I will tone down my writing until after she has passed. She could be around another 10 years. I find it difficult staying anonymous and still feel like I’m being honest with everyone.
Since I met my husband, more than 25 years ago, I have become a different person. I have done so many things that I never would have thought possible coming from the shy, frightened, child and teenager I was. Anxiety I am full of, but I am also full of the knowledge that I can do anything I want to and just “deal” with the anxiety, I never get over it, I just get use to it. It’s part of who I am.
I’m thinking maybe around my 8 week weigh in I will take a full photo to compare to the weight loss photo from Jan 1. I might wait for the 10 or 12 week mark. I just have to be sure I’m ready to do it. All of you are out there showing your faces, so I can too. I am proud of who I have become. I use to feel so ugly, now I just don’t think about it much. I use to hate having my photo taken during my child and teenage years and even up to 10 years ago. I am so over that now. All in good time, I will “show my face!”
I’m Frazzled Again.
photo by http://www.pixabay.com