Remember in school when you had to get in groups? You had to do role-play stuff and imagine this and that? Were you able to do that as a child? I think most children are able to do that. I couldn’t, I didn’t know how!
These days I have no trouble with imagination when it comes to my own ideas, but back when I was a child, I could not pretend play. Finally, when I was about 10 or ll, when I was almost too old for dolls, I met a friend who lived on the same street and somehow got into playing with Barbie dolls. I did manage to “pretend” I had a different name, probably because I always wanted a different name anyway. I didn’t really understand why I should pretend to be having fun when I wasn’t but I tried. It was easy to pretend I was someone else, but I didn’t know how to be someone else. What would I do or act like, if I was someone else?
The friendship didn’t last very long. Truth is, I wasn’t very good at playing. At school, when you had to get into groups, I never knew how to know which group I should be in or what I should be doing. To the other children, it seemed to come naturally. Even in High School I could not even consider going into Drama class, or get up in front of a class to tell a story, or even get in a group and try to solve problems. I would rather get kicked out of class for not participating, which is generally what would happen.
I have a crazy imagination these days, however, only when it has to do with my own ideas. I still cannot get in a group and discuss problem solving. I guess I am always afraid of saying something stupid, so instead of saying anything, I keep my mouth shut.
I remember a very anxious time, when I had to go out-of-town for training for a job. The training was to do with anger management for clients. This was a two-day training course. I went with a co-worker but that didn’t help much. She got put in to a different group and each day we had to start in a new group. There was so much role-playing and problem solving and I am so amazed I did not die of a heart attack from stress and anxiety. Oh my gosh, sweating the whole time. We had to say our name out loud to introduce ourselves to the whole class. These were back in the days when I could not speak at all in front of anyone, never mind a whole class. I managed to get my name out, but I didn’t say anything more. After class, someone came up to me and asked me if I was alright, because I sounded like I was crying when I spoke. THAT is how shaky and nervous I was.
I am so thankful to be out off those situations, although I don’t think I would be quite as anxious these days, I would still be very uncomfortable. Now as an older adult and self-employed, I do not have to put myself through such horrendous role-playing games.
I am anxious just thinking about it. Some days, these daily prompts wake up the anxiety in me, lol! I guess that’s okay, because it seems like that is what motivates me to write. Hope you all have an anxiety free week, I will try to.
Note: I’ve never had as many typing errors (using spell check) as I have in this post, that is how anxious I felt while writing, lol! So silly! It’s in the past.
I’m Frazzled Again.
photo from pixabay.com